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Love This For You

How to rewrite the rules and live authentically
Pantera Presserschienen am01.07.2022
A guidebook to being your best, most authentic self, from Instagram sensation Deni Todorovi? aka Style by Deni How can I love myself? How do you live so authentically? Deni Todorovi? never meant to become a poster child for self-love. On their popular Instagram page, Style by Deni, they show their followers what it means to lead a joyous, open-hearted life - but this wisdom has been hard-won, and in this book Deni shares how they've learned to live on their own terms. As a queer, non-binary person and as a child of migrants, Deni knows firsthand what it means to exist between worlds and to step into one's truth. We all grow up in a society that teaches us the rules about how to fit in, but Deni has learnt from a career in fashion that it's not always a good idea to follow the dress code. Full of intimate, insightful reflections on everything from family and culture to friendship, dating and career goals, and packed with useful tips, tools and techniques, Love This for You invites you to explore each pillar of your identity in order to start healing and live with great intention. If you've ever felt lost, walking through your life with the light switch off, this book is here to guide you into your light. Are you ready to go on your own journey to self-love?

Deni Todorovi? (they/them) is a queer content creator, activist, creative director, podcast host, former celebrity stylist and former fashion editor ofCosmopolitan magazine. They have worked in fashion for more than a decade, including at mastheads such as British Vogue, InStyle, Cosmopolitan UK and for luxury brands Net-a-Porter and Burberry. As a content creator they have also collaborated with local and international brands ranging from American Express, Fenty Beauty, Levi's and Sephora to Kmart, Camilla, The Body Shop and The Iconic. They are proudly a part of the global movement to de-gender fashion, as was displayed through their work as creative and fashion director for the opening show of 2021's Melbourne Fashion Week. Deni continues to carve out their own space on social media to inform, inspire and educate their audience around gender identity, pronouns and self-expression via fashion, leading always with the values of empathy, love and kindness. They also host a weekly fashion podcast for the Mamamia network, titled What Are You Wearing? You can find them on Instagram at @stylebydenimehr

Produkt

KlappentextA guidebook to being your best, most authentic self, from Instagram sensation Deni Todorovi? aka Style by Deni How can I love myself? How do you live so authentically? Deni Todorovi? never meant to become a poster child for self-love. On their popular Instagram page, Style by Deni, they show their followers what it means to lead a joyous, open-hearted life - but this wisdom has been hard-won, and in this book Deni shares how they've learned to live on their own terms. As a queer, non-binary person and as a child of migrants, Deni knows firsthand what it means to exist between worlds and to step into one's truth. We all grow up in a society that teaches us the rules about how to fit in, but Deni has learnt from a career in fashion that it's not always a good idea to follow the dress code. Full of intimate, insightful reflections on everything from family and culture to friendship, dating and career goals, and packed with useful tips, tools and techniques, Love This for You invites you to explore each pillar of your identity in order to start healing and live with great intention. If you've ever felt lost, walking through your life with the light switch off, this book is here to guide you into your light. Are you ready to go on your own journey to self-love?

Deni Todorovi? (they/them) is a queer content creator, activist, creative director, podcast host, former celebrity stylist and former fashion editor ofCosmopolitan magazine. They have worked in fashion for more than a decade, including at mastheads such as British Vogue, InStyle, Cosmopolitan UK and for luxury brands Net-a-Porter and Burberry. As a content creator they have also collaborated with local and international brands ranging from American Express, Fenty Beauty, Levi's and Sephora to Kmart, Camilla, The Body Shop and The Iconic. They are proudly a part of the global movement to de-gender fashion, as was displayed through their work as creative and fashion director for the opening show of 2021's Melbourne Fashion Week. Deni continues to carve out their own space on social media to inform, inspire and educate their audience around gender identity, pronouns and self-expression via fashion, leading always with the values of empathy, love and kindness. They also host a weekly fashion podcast for the Mamamia network, titled What Are You Wearing? You can find them on Instagram at @stylebydeni
Details
Weitere ISBN/GTIN9780645240160
ProduktartE-Book
EinbandartE-Book
FormatEPUB
Erscheinungsjahr2022
Erscheinungsdatum01.07.2022
Seiten320 Seiten
SpracheEnglisch
Dateigrösse1583
Artikel-Nr.11934297
Rubriken
Genre9200

Inhalt/Kritik

Leseprobe



 

I was once told by a therapist that the most formative years of a person s life are from birth to age three. THREE.

What could a parent possibly do to their child aged zero to three to impact the course of their life? Most people don t even recall memories that far back. (I perhaps strangely do - but my wildly vivid, photographic memory is a subject for another time.) I found it hard to believe this fact at first, even though said therapist specialised in the psychology of family and domestic abuse. So, like the occasionally sceptical millennial that I am, I went to Google to do my own research.

Turns out he was right.

I came across a report released by the Victorian Department of Education and Training that highlights just how crucial those early years of life are in forming the ways we will learn and behave as kids and teenagers at school, and as adults in the years beyond. Some researchers use the term early years to mean from birth to eight years; to others it means the years before school; and others, like my therapist, focus mainly on the first three years of life. However those formative years are measured, this is the period when the foundations for our future are laid.

I walked into the aforementioned therapist s office in the autumn of 2019. This was right after my redundancy, my breakup and return to Geelong. A big crossroads moment before I d made that all-important decision in lockdown to turn on my light switch.

I d gone to this specific therapy service - the brilliant Thorne Harbour Health (THH) in Melbourne, Australia s oldest and Victoria s largest LGBTQIA+ health organisation - by recommendation of a friend who works in the Queer health sector. This would be my third therapist in ten years, after a third failed relationship within the same timeframe.

Remember Anastacia, the early noughties pop singer with the epic growl in her voice and even more epic blue-lens sunnies? One of her songs speaks to her experience of feeling constantly sick and tired of someone s shit - so much so that you yourself become sick and tired of actually being sick and tired. Very that.

On that first day, I found myself feeling somewhat triggered by the category of therapy to which I d been assigned by the induction counsellor at THH: family and domestic abuse. I even protested this with my therapist: I was raised in a really loving family. Aren t victims of abuse typically raised in abusive homes?

He looked at me, then down at his paperwork and said, Deni, could you describe your family to me?

My parents are the best. They love unconditionally. The door is always open. Everyone is welcome. They greet you with a warm hug and there is always food on the table.

So there are no boundaries in your house, then?

His response stopped me in my tracks. He repeated my statement back to me and broke it down line by line.

They love without condition.

Their door is always open.

Everybody is welcome.

They greet you with warmth and then proceed to feed you.

There are no boundaries in my family.

I had never thought about my family dynamic in that way, but he was absolutely right.

This, Deni, is why you re here today. Because neither you nor your family have boundaries.

I spent every Tuesday morning in that therapy chair, and for the next twelve weeks my therapist and I would unpack the many layers of my trauma. What I soon came to understand on a very visceral level was that every intersection of said trauma was linked back to my childhood. Internalised racism? Tick. Internalised Queerphobia? Tick. A pattern of attracting humans who need fixing? Tick. An innate desire to fix everything and everyone? Tick. Such a lack of self-love that I let any and everyone do with me whatever they choose? Tickiddy-fucking-tick.

So, let s take it back to the very start, shall we? To a purple, taffeta bridesmaid dress.

The purple dress was strapless, ruched, with layers that shot from the hip out. It was like a piece of fashion confectionery.

My mum wore the dress to my auntie s wedding, where she was maid of honour. Except that she was late to the ceremony and didn t get to sign the witness papers. Because my family are perpetually late to everything and run on their own time zone, I say we operate according to Todorovic Time . Because. No boundaries.

Anyway, I digress.

I was eighteen months old in the pictures Mum has of me at this wedding, sitting in her lap in a little white suit. When Mum would show me those pictures afterwards, I remember wishing I could have worn her dress.

Mum kept the dress in a white box, at the top of her closet. I could often see slivers of purple taffeta pushing out from its lid. I was four years old when one Saturday morning, while Mum and Dad were sleeping in, I did what any small Queer child would do. I m not sure how I managed to find a stepladder but I did, then opened it, stood on my tiptoes and got the dress down from its treasured place in Mum s wardrobe. I took it with me into the living room and pulled it out of the box.

I will never forget how the dress felt in my hands. The sound of the poly-taffeta rustle in between my fingers. I also managed to take a pair of pointy-toed kitten heels from Mum s wardrobe to pair it with. Very quietly, I put the dress and heels on; both were way too big for me. I twirled around the living room, watching as the fabric danced around my body, for five glorious minutes. I took it all off. I put it all back.

Over the course of the next month I would do this every weekend, each week spending more time in the dress.

One weekend, I got my brother in on the game. My sweet brother Michael, eighteen months my junior, who would do anything I asked of him. He couldn t have been older than two, but he understood my instructions. I found a shirt from Dad s side of the wardrobe to dress him in, and we sat at opposite ends of the kitchen table. I had this grand idea that we would both play a character: me, this glamorous woman in her purple gown; my brother, her handsome husband in a white shirt. Our roaring giggles filled the living room.

I ll never forget what happened next.

My parents were standing at the door to their bedroom, which opened out into the living room. My mother yelled, What are you doing? as my dad followed with a stern instruction: Deni, take that off. This conversation took place in Serbian, as did most when I was that age. That s not for you, Dad continued. Without saying the words dress or boy , I knew exactly what he meant.

Dad held one of my hands in the air. The other met the dress on my body as he wriggled it down past the pyjamas I wore underneath. As I spun, crying, the dress came off me. It hit the floor, and my dad hit me.

Before you freak out, reader, I must tell you that in many ethnic cultures, children don t receive a time-out , nor are we told to sit in the naughty corner and think about our mistakes. You aren t given the agency to think about what you ve done ; your parents simply tell you what you ve done wrong . Often, this manifests physically, as a slap across the bum, the back of a head, a light slap of the face - a slap that intends to convey tough love, but a slap nonetheless.

This slap from my dad was the first time I was punished for feminine behaviour, but it wouldn t be the last.

Funnily enough, despite these rules around gendered behaviours, my parents took no issue with my love of fashion and all things glamour. While at times I m sure it scared them, more often than not they encouraged it.

As a child I was surrounded by glamorous women. The kind who aren t glamorous by way of money but rather an innate sense of style. One of my favourite things to do as a kid was look at old photo albums, many of which were filled with snapshots of my mother, her sister and their cousins during the glory days of their nightclubbing era at the discos, as they were so affectionately called. Their outfits always stopping me in my tracks.

My mama would tell me stories of where each outfit came from. Some they made themselves, and others they saved their factory-job incomes for, to buy for special Saturday nights. Their aesthetic could be described as if Madonna, Culture Club and George Michael had a baby. Throw a little Dynasty in for good measure and you have peak eighties energy. It was the era of the New Romantics. Women blurred the lines of gender and tapped into themes of sexuality. Men wore make-up, grew their hair and sometimes wore Cuban heeled shoes. It was a time I dreamed of growing up in. A time, it seemed, when feminine behaviour in masc-presenting humans wasn t punished. How little I knew.

Another reason I became so interested in fashion was...

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